You’re a terrible person, Ashley, but it’s okay. I'd like to say I'm just THAT good, but I'm pretty sure his body just wanted my mouth off him at that moment.
My plan backfired: He came in like two minutes.
#FINISH HIM SKIN#
One time, my boyfriend was really sick with, like, the flu or something, and you know when you get the flu your skin is super sensitive and everything feels, like, amplified? I didn't think this would apply to his penis and decided to give him a blowjob in the hopes of making him feel better, if only for a little bit. He now makes over $500,000 a year doing finance stuff (not relevant). He apologized and they never hung out again. And then he came with his pants still on. She brought a guy back to her apartment and they were making out. This is a story about my friend in college. *Slow clap* I think we all know it’s not your “friend from college,” but okay. I can forgive a man for finishing too early, but I can't forgive a man for not finishing me off. He looked helpless as I pulled the covers down and finished myself off right next to him I even slapped his hand away when he tentatively reached in to join (with a resigned look upon his face).Īfter I came, I slid off the bed in silence, put my clothes on, ignored his pleas and left his apartment. I sent all the right hints (and elbows), but, time after time, he ignored them.
The worst part was that he was entirely pleased with himself - and not all that into the idea of pleasing me. Yet every time we got down to the dirty, he rolled over and checked out in thirty seconds flat. Our banter was amazing, and I fully (and foolishly) expected the sex would be even better. I was hooking up with this guy for a while. He said, 'OK.' I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, ready for round two, he was fast asleep. Then I told him I would need him a couple more times. Also, those aren't 'One-Mississippi…' seconds they're, like, fast seconds. I didn't time it, but I think the whole thing lasted nine seconds, from first thrust to finish. He thrusted one, two, MAYBE three times (that's giving him the benefit of the doubt), and repeatedly said, "You f*cking love my hard cock," or some crap. We started against the wall and moved to the couch. I once went to my ex-hookup's apartment for a bang sesh. OH, and he FELL ASLEEP after, so that's when I f*cking peaced out and didn't come back until he promised to eat me out.Įmma, 25. I was sucking dick as foreplay and he came without even touching me. It never happens until it happens to you. Honestly, I think I took the coming so fast after oral as a huge compliment. Not sure why I stayed with him for as long as I did. I've also done some extensive research on micropenises and think he might have had one. Thirty seconds, TOPS, if I was giving him head. I dated a guy for two months who couldn't last more than three minutes. (TMI?) Turns out, I got my period, so it didn't even matter. I was 18 years old and it was one of the first people I'd had sex with. Here are nine girls with horror stories about the time a guy finished too early. Let’s all commiserate with a little public shaming. Like, do you not realize that entire bang session was three-minutes long? In fact, he’s often very satisfied with himself. The most terrible part is that the aforementioned guy rarely feels embarrassed. Those are days and days of my life that I will never get back. You’re lying next to him, thinking, “Oh, wow. Okay. I guess that’s it. You finally get into bed with him, and it’s like, BAM. You put in all of this energy to get to know a guy. But nothing makes sex worse than when a guy finishes within the first few minutes (seconds?) of getting down and dirty. The answer: Wasting a number on a dude who is a bad lay. Do you know what a girl hates more than eating unnecessary carbohydrates? More than getting a visit from her period while on vacation in Mexico? More than having a man talk down to her?
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